Summary:
Co-parenting during the holidays works best when parents plan early, communicate clearly, and stay focused on the kids’ experience instead of rigid schedules or competing traditions. Flexibility and respect for each household’s customs help create a smoother, happier season for everyone involved. When parents cooperate and document arrangements, the holidays become less about stress and more about shared memories that last.
The holidays tend to magnify emotions. Between bright lights, family gatherings, and the pressure to make everything picture-perfect, co-parenting almost feels like a balancing act on a frozen lake. Kids pick up on tension easily, and even small disagreements can ripple through what should be a joyful time. A little planning and a lot of goodwill go a long way toward keeping the season peaceful for everyone involved.
Communicate Early and Clearly
Holiday schedules can get messy if plans are left to the last minute. Start discussions early to give both households time to adjust. Put everything in writing, even if it’s just an email confirming who’s picking up the kids and when. Written communication helps prevent misunderstandings and sets clear expectations.
In the event that schedules aren’t aligning as expected, consider alternative dispute resolution, like mediation. A neutral mediator can help bring about a compromise that works for everyone in a non-adversarial environment.
Stay Focused on the Kids’ Experience
It’s easy to slip into comparing how things are done in the other household, but the kids’ happiness should always lead the conversation. When exchanging gifts, communicate about budgets and avoid trying to “outdo” each other. Kids benefit most when both homes cooperate on practical limits and focus on shared joy rather than competition.
Try to keep similar routines across homes, like bedtimes, meal expectations, and screen limits, so the transition between houses feels smooth. Kids often handle multiple holiday gatherings just fine when they sense that their parents are united in effort, even if not in location.
Prepare Emotionally for the Change in Rhythm
Even well-organized schedules can’t remove every emotional challenge. Parents who are alone on a holiday for the first time may feel the absence deeply. Planning ahead helps: schedule time with friends, volunteer, or take part in a community event to fill the quiet space.
For children, short goodbyes and warm send-offs work best. Reassure them that both parents are happy they’ll get to celebrate with the other side of their family. Children often mirror their parents’ attitudes, so keeping a calm, positive tone makes every transition easier.
Manage Extended Family Expectations
Grandparents, aunts, and cousins often have opinions about where and when children “should” be. Communicate boundaries early and consistently. Let family members know which days the kids will be around and ask them to avoid pressuring anyone to change plans.
A clear plan lets relatives prepare without resentment. When both sides of the family respect the arrangement, children feel less caught in the middle. For large family gatherings that fall on “off” days, consider celebrating early or late.
Keep Legal Agreements in Mind
Custody orders often outline how holidays are divided, but families sometimes adapt over time. If the current schedule no longer fits, discuss possible adjustments and document them in writing. Consistency is crucial, especially when travel or remarriage changes the family dynamic.
Remember that courts expect both parents to act in good faith. Being flexible without violating the agreement can show the same cooperation judges look for when considering future requests or modifications.
If you need help reviewing or modifying a holiday parenting plan, Melchert Hubert Sjodin, PLLP, offers guidance rooted in both legal experience and compassion. Call (952) 442-7700 to schedule a consultation and ensure your holiday season stays focused on what matters most: your family.
